Your Shoe's Untied
written by Walt Dohrn, Paul Tibbitt, and Merriwether Williams
typed by Aaron exclusively for Sarah's Spongebob Shrine

(Spongebob sits at home, in his armchair, watching TV; a live action anemone dances around on screen; Spongebob leans in closer, smiling; Gary slithers up)
Gary: Meow!
Spongebob: Gary! (grabs the remote and changes the channel; now, a real football game is on TV) Uh, I was just looking for the sports channel, Gary. (someone knocks on the door) Come in!
Patrick: (walks in) Hey Spongebob! Wanna see my new shoes? (holds out a pair of blue sneakers)
Spongebob: Wow! Those are great, Patrick! Let's see what they look like on your feet.
Patrick: Uh, wouldn't you rather see them on... my hands? (puts the sneakers on his hands)
Spongebob: Okay. (wearing white gloves on his feet) And we can wear gloves on our feet, and hats on our captain's quarters too! (turns around; he now wears a top hat on his behind)
Patrick: Uh, actually, I have a confession to make. (looks around and whispers into Spongebob's ear) I don't know how to tie my shoelaces.
Spongebob: (laughs) Do you know how lucky you are to have a friend like me?
Patrick: Yes.
Spongebob: (walks up to the armchair and puts his foot on one of the arms) Look at this knot. Have you ever seen a more perfectly executed shoe-fastening bow?
Patrick: Gosh. Probably not.
Spongebob: I learned when I was just a boy, Patrick, and I'm willing to pass on what I know. Go sit over there and let an old pro show you how to do it. (Patrick sits down on the couch; Spongebob walks over and puts his foot up on the arm next to him) Pay close attention, Patrick. (unties his shoes) Well, you start by taking one lace per hand. (grabs both laces) And then you... uh, you... gotta... loop de... de...
Patrick: Are you sure you know how to do it?
Spongebob: Patrick, please! Shoe-tying requires peace and quiet! Okay, where was I?
Patrick: Your shoes are still untied.
Spongebob: (lowers his shoe) Well, I guess you don't want me to show you how to do it.
Patrick: I'm sorry! (covers his mouth with his shoes) I won't interrupt anymore!
Spongebob: I've got it! The first rule of shoe-tying is always start with your right foot. (holds out his right foot and points to it) Now the lesson will officially begin. (puts his right foot down on the arm and quickly ties up the laces; the bow quickly becomes undone; Spongebob laughs and does it again; it spirals and unties) That's not right. (laughs) Get it? Not... right?
Patrick: No.
Spongebob: Okay, no more fooling around! (moves his fingers around) I've got it! (lifts his hands up; all his fingers are now tangled together; Spongebob laughs and turns around, struggling to get them undone)
Patrick: What was that? Are you okay, Spongebob?
Spongebob: Patrick, aren't you late for something?
Patrick: Oh, poop deck! You're right! We'll have to do this lesson later! (pushes the door down and runs home) Bye Spongebob!
Spongebob: I can't believe I've forgotten how to tie my shoes. (his shoes remain untied) They've been tied as long as I can remember. (remembers being a tiny egg, squirming around with only a set of legs and shoes, which are tied; lullaby music plays in the background) Well, I'll remember after a good night's sleep. (the next day, Spongebob lies and bed, snoring; his untied shoes blow back and forth; his alarm clock sounds; he shuts it off and sits up, smiling; his smile soon turns into a frown when he realizes his shoes are still untied) No big deal. I'll remember sooner or later. (opens the front door) 'Cause I'm ready! I'm read... (goes to take a step but trips) ...dy! (gets up) I'm read... (falls again) doo! (repeats the process several more times, right down the block) I'm read... doy! I'm read... doey! I'm read... doy! I'm read... dy! I'm read... duh! I'm read... doo! (winds up in front of the Krusty Krab, still tripping) I'm read... dy! I'm read... dy! I'm read... dee! I'm read... dee! I'm read... dee! I'm read... dee! I'm read... dee! (pushes open the door of the Krusty Krab and falls on the floor; Patrick sits at a table, eating a Krabby Patty with his shoes still on his hands)
Patrick: Well hiya, Spongebob.
Spongebob: (gasps) Oh no. I can't let Patrick see I still haven't tied my shoes. (gets up and stomps his feet into the floorboards)
Patrick: (walks up and looks at Spongebob's feet) Hey Spongebob, you're shorter. Have you been dieting?
Spongebob: Well, a sponge has to look his spongiest. (walks to the kitchen, his feet still in the floorboards with his legs cutting a path) Well, I've gotta get to work. (opens the kitchen door and falls face-first on the ground) Oh, barnacles! Maybe I should just lay here.
Squidward: (looks in the window) Those patties aren't gonna cook themselves, Spongebob!
Spongebob: He's right! Got to make... Krabby Patties! (holds out a spatula and gets up) Laces or no laces! (lies back down on the ground and slides over to the grill at the opposite of the room) I just have to stand in this one spot. (puts a Krabby Patty on a bun and turns around) Ta-da! A perfect patty.
Squidward: All right, Spongebob, hand it over. Well?
Spongebob: (gulps; Squidward appears farther and farther away; his shoelaces appear to him as snakes, grinning evilly; the laces wrap around Spongebob and the background melts away; suddenly, the vision disappears) Hey, Squidward! I've got an idea! How about you come get it?
Squidward: Oh gee, Spongebob, that's a great idea! And maybe I should cook the patties, and do the dishes, and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple... while you wait in the unemployment line!
Spongebob: No!
Squidward: Then bring that patty here now!
Spongebob: Okay, Squidward. Here I come. I'm coming over. (moves slowly toward Squidward without picking up his feet) I'm bringing the patty to you. Here comes the patty. No problem. I'm walking... the Krabby Patty... over to Squidward. All right, Squidward! I'm giving you the patty... for the hungry customer. So they can eat it... when I give it to you. Which is right... now! (stops and holds out the patty; he is no only a couple of inches away from the stove, still far away from Squidward)
Squidward: Uh, Spongebob. I'm over here! Now move!
Spongebob: Okay, Squidward! (looks down at his feet) Just slowly move your leg. (picks up his foot; his shoelace gets caught under his other foot, causing him to fall; the patty flies out of his hand) Doh!
Squidward: Spongebob! (the patty lands in his mouth)
Spongebob: I'm sorry, Squidward!
Squidward: (chewing the patty) Spongebob!
Spongebob: I'll just make another. (grabs another patty and puts it on a bun; turns around and trips again, launching another patty at Squidward)
Squidward: Sponge... (the patty lands in his mouth)
Spongebob: Hold it! (makes another, trips again, and tosses it into Squidward's mouth) Let me just! (makes another) Doh! (trips again and launches another patty; continues the process) Hold it! Sorry, Squid! Dah! Sorry! Oops! (Squidward is now extremely huge; a group of customers is standing at the register; an old man pokes him)
Old Man: What's the holdup?
Squidward: (turns around and belches loudly, blowing the customers back) I think my heart just stopped. (the customers start ranting) It's Sponge... (belches) Bob's fault! (echoing in Spongebob's head) Spongebob's fault! Spongebob's fault!
Spongebob: (on the ground, holding a spatula; sniffles) I've failed. My career is over. I'm sorry, spatula. (puts down the spatula and takes off his hat) I'm sorry, hat. (puts it back on his head) I'm sorry, floor. (hugs a crate of Krabby Patties) I am sorry, Krabby Patties. (lies in a puddle of tears, which he absorbs)
Mr. Krabs: (on the toilet, doing a crossword puzzle) Let's see, a five-letter word for happiness. (writes in "money") Money. (chuckles)
Customer: (from the main room) This is the worst service we've ever had! We're going to the Chum Bucket!
Mr. Krabs: (opens the bathroom door as the customers leave the restaurant) Wait! Wait! Don't go! (runs out; his pants are down at his knees)
Customer: Oh yeah, we are definitely out of here.
Mr. Krabs: (runs to the door) Wait! Wait! Don't go! That's me money walking out the door! What's the meaning of this, Mr. Squidward?!
Squidward: It's Spongebob's fault.
Mr. Krabs: (growls; his eyes stretch out and turn into steam whistles; bubbles blow out of the tops of them) Spongebob, get out here! (Spongebob partially comes through the kitchen door) More. (Spongebob comes out a little more) More. (Spongebob stretches out even more) All the way, boy! (Spongebob snaps and falls to the ground; Mr. Krabs picks him up) What be the matter, Spongebob? I ought to make you walk the plank for this.
Spongebob: I'm sorry Mr. Krabs, it's just that I... I...
Mr. Krabs: Yes?
Spongebob: I... I... I... I... I... I...
Mr. Krabs: Yes? Yes? Yes?
Spongebob: I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I...
Mr. Krabs: (grabs him) Out with it, boy! What is it?
Spongebob: I forgot how to tie my shoes.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) That's all?
Spongebob: So you'll show me how?
Mr. Krabs: I don't wear shoes.
Spongebob: (gasps; runs over to Tom, who is sitting at a table, drinking a soda) Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
Tom: Uh, fins? (points to his fins)
Spongebob: (goes up to another customer) Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
Eel: Well I would but, sadly, I am only an eel. (her tail wiggles in Spongebob's face)
Spongebob: (runs out of the Krusty Krab and into Jellyfish Fields; to a group of jellyfish) Could any of you show me how to tie my laces? (the jellyfish sting him; he looks under a rock, under which are a bunch of leeches) Could you, you, you, you, or you show me how to tie a knot? (the leeches scatter; looks into a cave at a pair of eyes) Could you show me how to tie a simple knot? (the eyes multiply and the figure turns out to be a gigantic green monster, who swallows Spongebob; Spongebob talks to a skeleton with a fishing rod inside the monster) Could you show me how to tie my shoes? (the monster blows him out of its blowhole; he lands in front of Painty the Pirate) Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
Painty: Arr, I be just a painting of a head.
Spongebob: (jumps down) DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOT?! (lightning flashes; the Flying Dutchman appears, cackling)
Flying Dutchman: Did somebody say knot?
Spongebob: (with huge eyes) I did.
Flying Dutchman: So, you wanna tie knots, do ya? Well, do ya?!
Spongebob: Yes, please, Mr. Flying Dutchman, sir.
Flying Dutchman: Then you've come to the right flying ghost, kid. You're looking at the first place winner in the fancy knottin' contest for the last 3,000 years!
Spongebob: Hooray! (floats up in the air and into a giant pink heart; the Dutchman grabs him)
Flying Dutchman: You're gonna have to not do that. And stop staring at me with them big old eyes! (Spongebob's eyes shrink) Now, stand back and watch me be "knotty". (laughs; pulls out a rope and twists it around) Ha ha! Behold! (the rope is now in the shape of a pretzel) The pretzel knot!
Spongebob: Ooh.
Flying Dutchman: (twists the rope again, this time into two adjoined diamond shapes) The double-diamond knot! (holds a the rope, in the shape of a square, in front of Spongebob, framing him) The square knot! (the rope slithers over and twists around Spongebob) The constrictor. (the rope squeezes him) The gut knot! (pulls Spongebob's body in half; in the middle of the two halves is the rope, shaped like his intestines; now, the Dutchman holds a woven knot) The pillow knot. (turns it over; on the other side, Spongebob is wearing a nightcap, sleeping; the Flying Dutchman lets go of the rope in the form of a butterfly; it flutters away) The butterfly knot.
Spongebob: Ooh.
Flying Dutchman: Wait! There's more. (Spongebob pulls out a pen and clipboard and puts on a pair of glasses) The monkey chain! (holds the rope, twisted into a chain; Spongebob writes on the clipboard) The monkey's fist! (holds the rope, made into a ball on a string) The monkey!! (holds the rope, in the form of a monkey)
Monkey: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Flying Dutchman: This one here's a loop knot, otherwise known as the "poop loop". (pulls the rope)
Rope: Poop!
Spongebob: (laughs) Those are great, Mr. Flying Dutchman, sir! Now can you show me how to tie my shoes?
Flying Dutchman: (laughs) I don't know how to tie me shoes. I haven't worn shoes for over 5,000 years! (holds up a sock with two blue stripes) But sometimes I like to wear this little sock over me ghostly tail. (cackles loudly and disappears; cuts to Spongebob crawling home; he opens the door and enters the living room, where Gary is)
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Not now, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: I'm not in the mood, Gary.
Gary: Meow. Meow.
Spongebob: (crawling into his bed) Just leave me and me untied shows alone.
Gary: (enters the room and roars like a lion, knocking Spongebob on the floor)
Spongebob: Okay, Gary. You have my attention.
Gary: Meow. (ties Spongebob's shoes)
Spongebob: (gasps) Gary! Well, I'll be. You can tie shoes! (Gary reveals legs and goofy wingtip shoes under his body) Hoppin' clams! How did you learn to do that? (Gary's shell opens; underneath the shell is a record player; a record drops in and the song "Loop De Loop" by Ween begins)
Singer: Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? (Spongebob hops into a classroom in front of the blackboard; Gary slides over on a stool) It's a very easy thing to do. (Spongebob puts on a pair of glasses; Patrick falls into a desk) Just sit on down and I'll give you the scoop. (Patrick holds out an ice cream cone; Spongebob scoops a shoe onto it) What's that? (Spongebob ties the words "Loop De Loop") It's called the loop de loop. You gotta take a lace in each hand. (two miniature Spongebobs each grab onto a lace of his shoe) You go over and under again. (the two Spongebobs do as the song says) You make a loop de loop and pull, and your shoes are looking cool. (one miniature Spongebob finishes tying the shoe; Spongebob holds a top hat over his head and lifts his foot up; the shoe flies off) You go over and back. (many Spongebobs go from front to back) Left to right. (the Spongebobs go left to right) loop de loop, and you pull 'em tight. (the Spongebobs make a loop de loop; Spongebob pulls his laces tight) Like bunny ears or a Christmas bow. (the two said items appear on Spongebob's feet and he ties them) Lace 'em up and you're ready to go. (takes off) You make a loop de loop and pull, and your shoes are looking cool. (Spongebob spins around in the air and lands in a giant shoe, next to Gary; two airplane wings pop out of the sides of the shoe and it takes flight, passing many tied laces; the shoe loses its wings and lands on a roller coaster) You make a loop de loop and pull, and your shoes are looking cool. (the shoe falls off the roller coaster and onto the ground; Spongebob and Gary poke their heads out; the song ends)