Valentine's Day
written by Chuck Klein, Jay Lender, and Merriwether Williams
typed by Shadowstar

(We begin our story, it's obviously Valentine's Day as Spongebob runs along delivering valentines to his friends. Squidward just tears his up, Mrs. Puff crashes her boat when she looks off the road to see it and Plankton is touched by Sponge's valentine that's just his size. Sponge later skips along to Sandy's house, where Sandy is outside. Sandy has a heart shaped acorn with an arrow through it for Sponge)
Sandy: Happy Valentine's Day, Spongebob. I'm nuts for you.
Spongebob: (takes the acorn and takes out a bottle of chocolate syrup) Well, I'm bubbles for you, Sandy. (blows a chocolate heart bubble)
Sandy: (opens a portal on her helmet so she can catch and eat it) Mmm...chocolate. Mighty tasty. (notes the giant hot air balloon next to the treedome; the balloon part is a giant heart shaped bubble with a drawing of Patrick showcased on it) Patrick's gonna love the one you made for him. (the two run over and Sandy gets into the basket) Take me through the plan again.
Spongebob: Okay. (Sponge blows out a chocolate bubble diagram of the carnival. A little choco-bubble Sponge and Pat jump onto it) Step one: (dramatic voice) Patrick and I get to the Valentine's Day carnival. Step two: I position Patrick and myself on top of the Ferris wheel. (the two choco-figures do so, and Sponge blows a choco-bubble diagram of the giant hot air balloon, which floats by the carnival) Step three: You arrive at designated checkpoint for maximum visual contact. (the balloon lands on the carnival base) Step four: Patrick is thrilled. Mission accomplished. (the bubble bursts and chocolate smears the screen; it washes off and we see Pat by his house preparing a Valentine; he's also wearing a white shirt with a heart on it; he smashes a rock repeatedly until it goes into the shape of a heart; Sponge walks up behind him) Hi Patrick. (Pat thinks the rock talked to him)
Patrick: Hello?
Spongebob: Patrick, it's me, Spongebob.
Patrick: Spongebob, what are you doing in there?
Spongebob: Patrick!
Patrick: Oh my gosh! Sponge… Spongebob is stuck inside this rock! Hold on buddy, I'll get you out! (Pat smashes the rock into gravel) Spongebob? Spongebob?
Spongebob: Patrick...
Patrick: Spongebob! (crying, rubs the gravel to his face) Spongebob...!
Spongebob: Patrick, I'm right behind you! (Pat turns around)
Patrick: There you are. (presents Sponge with the gravel) Happy Valentine's Day! Here's your present.
Spongebob: And I have a present for you!
Patrick: You do?
Spongebob: It's the greatest...
Patrick: Oh...
Spongebob: ...the bestest...
Patrick: OH...
Spongebob: ...the most fantabulous...
Patrick: OH!...
Spongebob: ...present EVER! (Pat can't control himself and he rolls and bounces around in excitement) But you can't have it yet.
Patrick: (stops rolling) Huh? Why not?
Spongebob: Because it's not ready yet.
Patrick: Is it ready now?
Spongebob: Not yet.
Patrick: How about now?
Spongebob: Do you want to ruin the surprise?
Patrick: YES!
Spongebob: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh...
Patrick: Oh come on, please!
Spongebob: (pretends to think) Hmm...nope, sorry.
Patrick: (clings to Sponge's feet) You gotta tell me!
Spongebob: No can do! (laughs) You'll just have to wait! (he walks off; Pat still hangs on)
Patrick: Please!... (Sponge is still walking and Pat still begs; Sponge then stops)
Spongebob: Okay, Patrick, here we are.
Patrick: (gasps, and we see a carnival) You got me a carnival? Mine! All mine, mine, mine! (he runs into it; Sponge closes in from behind) Mine, mine, mine! All right, everybody out! This is my carnival!
Spongebob: It's not the carnival.
Patrick: Oh.
Spongebob: (takes out a quarter) Here, why don't you take this quarter and...
Patrick: (grabs it) Oh my gosh, a quarter! I've always wanted a quarter!
Spongebob: It's not the quarter.
Patrick: Oh.
Spongebob: Now take that quarter and buy some cotton candy.
Patrick: Cotton candy! I can't believe it! (in the background we see Pat chasing after the cotton candy man) Cotton candy!
Cotton Candy Man: Get away!
Sandy: (muffled, off-screen) Sandy to Spongebob. (Sponge pulls out his walkie-talkie, where Sandy's voice is coming from) Sandy to Spongebob. Come in Spongebob.
Spongebob: Ten-four Sandy, Spongebob here. (we see Sandy closing in with the balloon on the carnival)
Sandy: I got a visual on the carnival. Want me to bring her in?
Spongebob: Ooh, not yet, Sandy. Patrick's still trying to guess what his Valentine is.
Sandy: (giggles) You are such a kidder, Sandy out. That Spongebob... (hangs up; she then sees a bunch of scallops coming her way) Scallops...chocolate-eating scallops!
(cut back to Sponge and Pat)
Patrick: So if it's not cotton candy then what is it? I CAN'T TAKE IT!
Spongebob: You'll have to guess!
Patrick: (points at a tent) This tent?
Spongebob: No.
Patrick: (holds up a man in line for something) This guy?
Spongebob: No.
(we see micro-organisms swimming around; it's Patrick's view through a microscope)
Patrick: This paramecium?
Spongebob: (laughs) Nope.
Patrick: (chuckles) Heh, you're a sly one. I can't find here in the carnival...because it's on top of Mount Climb-Up-And-Fall-Off! (he runs out of the carnival up on a mountain and falls off it, he runs back to the carnival) It wasn't there either!
Spongebob: Are you sure? (Pat tries it again and falls off, Sponge hears Sandy from the walkie-talkie and picks it up) Spongebob to Sandy, you can bring it in now.
(cut to Sandy, who's on top of the balloon with a whip trying to keep the scallops away)
Sandy: Uh, Spongebob, we got ourselves a little problem. I got a pack of chocolate-eating scallops trying to rustle the balloon! Hi-yah! Get away, you sweet-toothed varmints! Hi-yah! I'm going to be a little late!
Spongebob: Late? But what about... (Pat jumps off the mountain and falls off again) ...Patrick?
Sandy: Take him up to the Ferris wheel and I'll meet you there! Sandy out!
Spongebob: (puts back the walkie-talkie) If Patrick doesn't get his valentine... (screams)
Patrick: (suddenly appears from behind, all bruised) I'm pretty sure it's not up there, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Uh...Patrick, actually it's on the Ferris...
Patrick: FERRIS WHEEL! (he grabs Sponge and runs toward it; cut to them on the Ferris wheel being brought to the top) I'm ready for the greatest Valentine's present in the whole world now, Spongebob.
Spongebob: Well this is where you're gonna get it...I hope. Just keep looking out there, pal. (Pat is highly anticipating; Sponge decides to check up on Sandy again) Spongebob to Sandy, Spongebob to Sandy, come in, Sandy!
(we see Sandy is in some distant area fighting the scallops.)
Sandy: Sandy to Spongebob, I got my ox in a ditch here! I'm way off course! The scallops are eating the balloon! They're everywhere! (one scallop bites the balloon and the air goes out and it floats down) Aw, shoot! We're going down, Spongebob! Switch to plan B!
Spongebob: No, no, Sandy! No B! No! (we see Patrick really anticipating) Uh, Patrick, you know how sometimes you plan something special and things don't just work out?
Patrick:, gee! Holy mackerel! Is it hot up here or what! (he rips off his Valentine's shirt and starts shaking the car chanting, "Valentine, Valentine, Valentine!"; Sponge pleads him to stop; soon, he's rocking the whole Ferris wheel; Sponge knows he has to stop so he holds out his hand)
Spongebob: Patrick, here it is! (Patrick looks around Sponge's hand)
Patrick: What's that?
Spongebob: It's a handshake...a friendly handshake.
Patrick: A handshake? That's the big gift? You got me a handshake?
Spongebob: A friendly handshake. Happy Valentine's Day!
(Pat shakes Sponge's hand and looks at his hand and grimaces. Sponge laughs nervously as the car goes to the floor. Cut to a montage. First, the two are in the Buddy Bounce, where Sponge happily bounces as Pat bobs along, still angrily staring at his hand. Cut to the roller coaster where Sponge lifts his arms and sways as Pat still angrily stares at his hand. Cut to the Fun House where Sponge runs over air gusts that blow his torso into the air and back down. Pat angrily stares at his hand and walks across them, blowing up his shorts. Cut to the two sitting at a bench. Pat looks at Sponge and takes a deep breath)
Patrick: I've been thinking. At first a handshake doesn't looks like much, but really it's the thought that counts… (a woman walks by holding a box of chocolates)
Woman: Hey Spongebob, I just wanted to thank you for this box of chocolates.
Spongebob: Uh, no problem Fran. (she walks off)
Patrick: And even though I was expecting more... (some guy with roses walks by)
Guy: Thanks for the roses, Spongebob. Happy Valentine's Day.
Spongebob: You too, Dave. (Dave walks off)
Patrick: And not that it matters that we've been friends for so long... (some woman walks by with a bike)
Woman #2: Hey Spongebob, thanks for the bike! (to Pat) Can you believe this guy? I just met him this morning! (Pat gets angry)
Patrick: (trying to be calm) So as I was saying... (some guy comes by) Guy #2: Excuse me, do you guys have the time?
Patrick: (explodes in anger; screaming, takes the guy and throws him off-screen) PATRICK NEED LOVE TOO!!! (Pat starts going on a rampage. First, he snips the strings on all the heart balloons and then destroys the cart to which they were attached. Then he runs up to some guy in a giant heart costume playing with some kids) I defy you, Heart Man! (he rips the costume in half, revealing he's some guy wearing boxers)
Man: (over P.A.) Attention everyone, there's a chubby pink starfish on the loose! (everyone runs screaming. Pat then sees one of those rides where you spin around a pole on benches, the pole is a giant heart-on-a-stick)
Patrick: Heart on stick must die! (he goes to the pole and tries to pick it up. After a while of struggling, he gives up. He then sees a little girl licking a heart lollipop) Heart on stick must die! (he grabs it and breaks it and then gorges on it)
Spongebob: (gasps) Patrick! (Pat turns around and gives a menacing look. Sponge screams and he and the carnival patrons run to a dead-end side of the boardwalk. Pat hollers in anger)
Patrick: Give me Spongebob!!! (Sponge is thrown from out of the crowd and giggles nervously) You broke my heart! Now I'm gonna break something of yours!
Spongebob: Okay, Patrick, I know I deserve this. (notes the crowd) But, do they?
Patrick: They didn't get me anything either! (a pile of gifts and valentines are thrown at Pat's feet) Nope, it's too late for that now! For all of you! (he walks forward, crushing the valentines. Sponge quivers as Pat closes in. But then he spots Sandy arriving with the balloon, the holes patched up and using the scallops to pull the thing in. It lands behind Pat)
Spongebob: Woo! Sandy's here! Woo-hoo! Look Patrick, it's here! It's here! The best valentine in the whole wide world is right behind you!
Patrick: Sure it is.
Spongebob: I'm telling you, it's right there, turn around!
Patrick: Uh-uh.
Spongebob: Patrick, just turn around!
(Pat isn't budging. The crowd yells at Pat telling him to turn)
Patrick: You must think I'm pretty dumb, huh?
Crowd: Yes! Turn around!
Patrick: No.
Crowd: (chanting) Turn around! Turn around!
Patrick: Nuh-uh. I'm gonna say this once and I'm not going to say it again, so pay attention. I am not, I repeat, not going to turn around for any reason ever!
Sandy: Howdy, Patrick!
Patrick: (turning around) Hi Sandy! (he sees the balloon, Sandy jumps down from the top. Pat stammers)
Spongebob: Happy Valentine's Day, Patrick! (Pat is overjoyed and clings onto the balloon)
Patrick: Yay! My valentine! Hey, is this solid chocolate?
Spongebob: Patrick, no!
(Pat bites the balloon, causing the balloon to explode, and everything and everyone gets covered in mounds of chocolate)
Patrick: Aw Spongebob, you didn't have to get me anything.