Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm
written by Jay Lender, Dan Povenmire, and Merriwether Williams
typed by Sarah exclusively for Sarah's Spongebob Shrine

French Narrator: Ahh, another peaceful evening in Bikini Bottom. Listen to the tropical tranquility. (we see the town of Bikini Bottom; something underground is tunneling and consumes the Bikini Bottom sign) Uh-oh. (the tunnelling thing moves on to the rest of Bikini Bottom; a cop is writing a ticket for a car parked near a fire hydrant; the thing, still invisible, makes eating noises; we then see that the car has disappeared, so the cop picks up the fire hydrant, moves it to the adjacent car, and places the ticket on that car, whistling as he walks away; the thing moves on to Spongebob's house; Gary wakes up, sees the thing, and meows in terror; Spongebob is still fast asleep)
Spongebob: (mumbling, half-asleep) Trick-or-treat. Thank you. (the thing takes Spongebob's blanket) You keep the change. (the thing takes Spongebob's pillow) What? (he wakes up fully and stares fixedly at the thing in terror; camera zooms out to show half of the pineapple house's walls missing; new scene shows Spongebob talking to a crowd at the Krusty Krab) I saw it! It was big! It was all wiggly! And it ate everything!
Patrick: That's horrible! (gobbles down a whole tray of food, containers and all)
Spongebob: It was an Alaskan... Bull... Worm! (each of the three words appears on screen; crowd murmurs worriedly)
Fish 1: He ate my wheelbarrow! (he has his wheelbarrow with a bite taken out of it)
Fish 2: He ate my children's homework! (her two kids wink simultaneously and give a big thumbs-up)
Fish 3: (has a huge bite taken out of his butt) Do I need to say it?
Fish 4: (crowd murmurs some more) How can we protect ourselves?
Mr. Krabs: I've got it! Let's all buy a Krabby Patty! (crowd boos and throws ketchup and mustard bottles at him)
Fish 5: We should lock our doors!
Fish 6: We should call my nephew!
Knight Fish: We should dig a moat!
Patrick: We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else! (crowd immediately quiets down)
Squidward: That idea may just be crazy enough... to get us all killed!! (crowd resumes fretting)
Fish 1: Let's get someone to go after it!
Mr. Krabs: There ain't no one fool enough to take on an Alaskan Bull Worm! (a horrible screeching noise is heard; the crowd cringes; we see a scary-looking old guy in a raincoat with a hook for a hand, scraping it on the window of the Krusty Krab; he stops)
Raincoat Fish: You got a bathroom in this place?
Mr. Krabs: (looks slightly peeved) In the back.
Raincoat Fish: (legs wobble) Thanks. (he runs for it)
Sandy: (under a wide-brimmed cowboy hat) I'll catch your worm for ya, that is, if'n you're willing to pay! (tips brim up)
Mr. Krabs: Noooo! You'll never get a cent out of me! (runs to block the cash register with his body) Never! I'd rather that worm come in here right now and eat you all alive!!! (begins foaming at the mouth; the crowd looks at him strangely; he calms down) Sorry.
Sandy: (laughs good-naturedly) Aw shucks. I don't want your money. I was just playing up the drama of the moment, is all. (Mr. Krabs chuckles, which gradually turns into crying; Sandy continues) Nope. I'm gonna take that spineless critter down for nothing, 'cause this is personal. Look. My tail's gone! (she shows them; crowd gasps) Varmint must've got it while I had my back turned, the coward! (crowd sympathizes) I am gonna get back what's mine! (crowd cheers)
Spongebob: (looks alarmed) What? But Sandy, you don't know what you're up against. We're talking about an Alaskan... Bull... Worm! (the three words appear on screen again)
Sandy: Well, I don't know nothing about Alaska, but looky here. (she pulls out a wallet with pictures) Back in Texas I wrangled bulls, and I wrangled worms. (we see pictures of a real-life squirrel with a lasso around a bull, then a lasso around a worm) Far as I'm concerned, doing 'em both together just saves rope. Now I'm gonna go kick me some worm tail! Yee-haw! (she runs to the doors of the Krusty Krab; the crowd goes wild)
Spongebob: But Sandy, you don't know!
Sandy: Don't worry, Spongebob. I won't be long. (leaves)
Spongebob: (chases after her) Sandy! Sandy!
Mr. Krabs: (amidst the still-cheering crowd) Go get 'em, Sandy! We have the utmost confidence in you! (crowd stops; Mr. Krabs turns to Patrick) Now, what was that idea of yours?
Patrick: PUSH! (new scene shows all the citizens trying to push the buildings of Bikini Bottom; cuts back to Spongebob chasing after Sandy)
Spongebob: Wait! Sandy!
Sandy: Hey, Spongebob, you coming to watch?
Spongebob: Sandy, don't go!
Sandy: Why not?
Spongebob: Sandy, I saw it! It's big... scary... and pink! (each word appears on the screen)
Sandy: So's Patrick's belly button, but I ain't afraid of that neither!
Spongebob: You'll get massacred! (collapses into sponge-cubes)
Sandy: Spongebob, I'm from Texas. What you think is big and what I think is big are two totally different "big"s. Besides, he's got my tail. I can't take that sitting down.
Spongebob: Okay, but what if the worm didn't take your tail?
Sandy: If that worm ain't got my tail, who does?
Spongebob: (unconvincingly) Um, I do?
Sandy: You do? Where?
Spongebob: Um... in my pocket.
Sandy: Well, why didn't you just say so? Give it here! Come on! (Spongebob looks nervous, pulls something from his pocket, and opens his hand) Spongebob, that's a paper clip and a piece of string.
Spongebob: (shakes head) No, it's not. This is your tail.
Sandy: (annoyed) Spongebob!
Spongebob: (defensively; tearing up) How would you know?! It's always behind you! Oh, don't go, don't go, don't go! (he jumps onto the front of Sandy's air helmet and hugs it)
Sandy: (pulls him off) Spongebob, what is the matter with you? Now, I'm gonna go give that legless rascal what-for, and there ain't nothing you can say to stop me! (resumes walking)
Spongebob: Oh yeah? What if I said.... 'blargen fedibble no-hip'?
Sandy: (stops) Well, I gotta admit, that slowed me down, but I'm still going for him! (continues)
Spongebob: (appears next to Sandy as she strides along) You know, tails are so overrated. Let's just forget about it and go home. (Sandy keeps walking; Spongebob reappears) I've got ice cream! With nuts... (Sandy continues; Spongebob appears once more, this time with a goofy squirrel mask on his face) Sandy, this is your pappy speaking, and I forbid you to go after this worm! Y'all come back here, young lady!
Sandy: You ain't my pa!
Spongebob: (stands in front of her with boxing gloves) Sandy, if you want to get to that worm, you're gonna have to go through me! (Sandy pushes through his body as if walking through a pair of swinging doors; he grabs her ankles, sobbing) Sandy, no! I can't let you! I'm not gonna let you get killed. If you find him, you'll get eaten for sure!
Sandy: Ain't no way some dumb old sea worm's gonna make a meal of me. I'm too Texas tough!
Spongebob: (still sobbing and holding onto her ankles) No, not tough enough. Not tough enough!
Sandy: Spongebob, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, who's the strongest critter in Bikini Bottom? (she grabs an anchor and pulls a boat down from the surface)
Spongebob: You are.
Sandy: And who put the hi-yah, hi, ho, "K" in karate? (makes a K shape)
Spongebob: (makes a U shape) You did.
Sandy: And who saves your yellow backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?
Spongebob: (his butt has "Property of Sandy Cheeks" printed on it) You do.
Sandy: Right. And I can handle your little bull worm too, 'cause I am the best there is! There ain't nothin' too big or too ornery for me to catch.
Spongebob: Okay.
Sandy: Say it.
Spongebob: There isn't anything...
Sandy: Ain't nothin'!
Spongebob: (in a high-pitched voice like Sandy) Ain't nothin' (normal voice) too big or too ornery for you to catch. But... (Sandy cuts him off) But... (cuts him off again) And... (cuts him off again) We... (cuts him off again) I... (cuts him off again) Yeah but...
Sandy: No!
Spongebob: You see...
Sandy: No!
Spongebob: I... (Sandy cuts him off one last time with a frustrated groan)
Sandy: (picks up some sand from the ground as if tracking an animal and sniffs it) Worm sign. (she holds a small sign in her palm that has "WORM" painted on it; looks up) He's in that cave.
Spongebob: Sandy, are you sure you...?
Sandy: Course I am! I'm going in, and I ain't coming out 'til I got me a big heaping plate of worm stew. (she walks into the cave; Spongebob hides behind a rock and shudders; we hear Sandy inside the cave) Aha! There you are, you tail-nabbin' varmint! Hi-yah! (we hear karate noises; Sandy peeks out of the cave) I'm winnin', Spongebob! (resumes fighting)
Spongebob: Sandy, that's not...! (more fighting noises; Sandy peeks out again)
Sandy: This shouldn't take long. (resumes fighting)
Spongebob: Sandy, that's not...!
Sandy: Almost done!
Spongebob: Sandy!
Sandy: Yee-haw! (comes out riding a pink segmented thing) I got him, Spongebob! (makes a giant knot and stands on it proudly)
Spongebob: (still uneasy) Sandy...?
Sandy: Boy, howdy. This critter put up some sort of fight. But I'm from Texas, and as you can see, no worm is a match for me. I even found my tail! (we see that she has tied the fur to the small remainder of her tail)
Spongebob: That's not the worm.
Sandy: Pardon?
Spongebob: That's not the worm. That's his tongue. (camera zooms out to show that Spongebob is right; the opening of the cave is actually the worm's open mouth; his eyes make a squishy blinking noise)
Sandy: Ohhhh. This is the tongue, and... (trailing off) the whole thing... is the... worm. (freaks out) RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! (they sprint away; the worm growls angrily, chomps down, and chases after them)
Spongebob: So what's the plan, Sandy? (they look back and see that the worm is approaching faster)
Sandy: Run faster!!
Spongebob: I could've thought of that. Hey, wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?!
Sandy: Later!
Spongebob: Ah, he is too big for you, isn't he?
Sandy: Not now, Spongebob!
Spongebob: I wanna hear you say it!
Sandy: Can we talk about this another time?
Spongebob: Say it!
Sandy: Spongebob!
Spongebob: Say it, or I'll trip you! (he continues running on one foot, the other poised to trip Sandy)
Sandy: No!
Spongebob: Say it!
Sandy: Not now!
Spongebob: Say it!
Sandy: Okay! You were right, and I was wrong. I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Are you happy now?
Spongebob: (devilishly) I knew it. (the worm emits another huge growl; prompting the two to run even faster; they run up and down a sand mound, which the worm plows right through; they run past Fish 3, who is leaning over under his car's hood; his butt is bandaged up; the worm passes by and takes another bite out of him)
Fish 3: Not again!
Spongebob: Uh, Sandy?
Sandy: Yeah?
Spongebob: What do we do now?
Sandy: (is panting and sweating; the worm growls again; Sandy sees the seemingly endless coral trees in front of them) I've got it! Spongebob, you still got that paper clip and that string?
Spongebob: I'm way ahead of you, Sandy. (fashions a necklace out of them) Look, it's a necklace! S for "Spongebob" or S for "Sandy"! That way they can identify our bodies.
Sandy: No, silly! How about S for "save our skins"? (she takes the string and uses the hook of the paper clip to wrap the string around one of the coral trees; she grabs Spongebob and swings them up and over the branch onto the worm's back) Yee-haw! Now this is what I call a rodeo! We'll be nice and safe up here. (the worm starts to plow off a cliff like a runaway train; Sandy and Spongebob realize this, scream, and begin running toward the end of worm to the safety of the plateau; they jump off safely as the worm falls off the cliff) We did it!
Spongebob: Yay! He'll never get out of there!
Sandy: We saved the town!
Spongebob: Yay! Let's go tell everybody! (new scene shows all the citizens still trying to push Bikini Bottom to safety; the city is now in the valley at the bottom of the cliff)
Patrick: PUSH! PUSH!
Citizens: Hooray!! (the worm, still falling, lands on the city and smashes it to bits)
Worm: Ouuuuuch.