(Spongebob and Patrick walk up to a store called "Palace of Pranks")
Spongebob: Well, Patrick, here it is. The Palace of Pranks. The greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where I got my gag Seanut Brittle can! (holds up a can labeled "Seanut Brittle")
Patrick: Oh boy, Seanut Brittle! Gimme! (grabs the can from Spongebob and struggles to open it)
Spongebob: Patrick, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?
Patrick: Nice try, Squarepants, but it's not gonna work this time. I'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! (opens the can; fake purple snakes pop out) Where's the Seanut Brittle?
Spongebob: (laughs) That gets funnier every time you say it, Patrick. Come on, let's go inside.
Patrick: (eyes fill up with tears) Seanut Brittle?
Spongebob: (opens doors and sniffs the air) Aw.... nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! (walks down an aisle) Isn't it everything I said it would be, Patrick?
Patrick: (in another aisle) Hey, Seanut Brittle! (more purple stuff flies out) Oh, darn it, not again!
(Spongebob laughs; a man with an eye patch walks up and pats him on the back)
Man: Good to see you, Spongebob. How's my number-one customer doing?
Spongebob: Oh great, Frank. This is my friend Patrick. He wants to be come a prankster too.
Frank: (walks over to Patrick) Well, pleasure to meet you, Patrick. (shakes Patrick's hand; Patrick gets shocked, screams at the top of his lungs, and nurses his hand; Frank laughs) That's your first lesson son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.
Patrick: (looks at it) I don't get it.
Frank: You don't have to get it! The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster.
Spongebob: You see, Patrick, Frank here is the master. I learned all I know about pranks from him. (they walk to the front counter) Okay, Frank, let's see what you've got.
Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. (holds out a pack of gum to Patrick) Have some gum.
Patrick: (takes the gum and sticks it in his mouth; a big explosion occurs) WAAAAAAHHH!!!
Frank: (laughs) Exploding Chewing Gum! Only $9.95.
Patrick: (headless) I don't get it.
Spongebob: What can we get for one dollar? (holds up a dollar)
Frank: Well, one dollar will get you this fake gag dollar. (holds up a fake gag dollar) Fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.
Spongebob: What else have you got?
Frank: A whoopie cushion?
Frank: Fake vomit!
Frank: Real vomit?
Spongebob: Ew! Don't you have anything good?
Frank: Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top-of-the-line prankster. (holds up a spray paint can) Invisible Spray!
Spongebob: Wow! Invisible Spray!
Patrick: But I can see it.
Spongebob: Gee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this! (hands Frank a dollar)
Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.
Spongebob: Thanks, Frank! (leaves; cuts to Spongebob and Patrick outside with the spray) Here it is, Patrick. The ultimate prank. Invisible Spray!
Patrick: What are we gonna do with it?
Spongebob: (points index finger in the air) I know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in mid-air! (both look up at a thought balloon, where people are crowding around Spongebob and Patrick, who appear to be floating)
Light Green Fish: They're floating in mid-air! (claps)
Light Pink Fish: How do they do that?
(thought balloon disappears)
Patrick: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, Spongebob! (sticks his thumb up)
Spongebob: (walks off) Well, let's get started.
Patrick: (takes off his shorts and drops them on the ground) Okay, I'm ready.
Spongebob: (comes back) Any particular reason you took your pants off?
Patrick: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?
Spongebob: (looks at can) That it does, Patrick, that it does! Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. (hands can to Patrick and takes off his pants) Okay, Patrick, give me the can.
Patrick: (hugs the can) I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
Spongebob: Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.
Patrick: Yeah, but I said it was a good idea.
Spongebob: (grabs the can) Give me that thing! (he and Patrick struggle to try and get the can and wind up spraying their clothes, causing them to disappear)
Patrick: Hey, the invisible spray works!
(a bus pulls up next to them)
Bus Driver: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint. (everyone on the bus laughs; the bus drives off)
Spongebob: (gasps) Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!
Patrick: (sprays Spongebob's hand; laughs) I gotta HAND it to you, Spongebob. You look kinda funny. (laughs more)
Spongebob: (screams) Righty! Where are you? (Patrick laughs) No one messes with Righty! (snatches the spray) We'll see how you like it! (sprays Patrick, leaving a big hole in the middle of him) Kind of gives you an EMPTY feeling, huh?
Patrick: (snatches the can back) Yeah. (sprays Spongebob's left eye) I SEE what you mean! (laughs)
Spongebob: (takes the can back and sprays below the hole he made earlier) No GUTS, no glory! (laughs)
Narrator: Several bad puns later...
Patrick: (completely invisible) Hey, I think this thing is empty!
Spongebob: (also completely invisible; shakes can) Oh no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Patrick, you used the last of it! (throws can away)
Patrick: Hey, I think I found our pants. (a ripping sound is heard) Oops! Here, these are yours.
Spongebob: Oh, forget the pants, Patrick. Let's get home and wash this paint off. (both start walking)
Patrick: Hey Spongebob, do you know what time it is?
Spongebob: Oh sure, it's.... half past invisible!
Patrick: Gee, it's getting late.
Spongebob: (walks up to a guy) Let's ask this guy. Excuse me sir, but do you have the time?
Guy: (not facing them) Sure. (checks his watch) It's, uh, ten to three.
Spongebob: Thank you.
Guy: Don't mention it. (turns around to face them)
Patrick: Don't mention what?
Guy: Uh, who said that?
Guy: (jumps up; both eyes pop out of his head) AHHHHH!!!! Ghosts! (runs off; his eyes fall to the ground, scream, hop into a car, and drive off)
Patrick: Hey, I'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs.
Spongebob: Wait a second, Patrick. My brain just hatched an idea!
Patrick: Lay it on me.
Spongebob: Okay, we're invisible, right?
Spongebob: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom! Oh, it's the ultimate prank!
Both: Woo!!! High Five! (slapping noise)
Spongebob: Let's go scare us some suckers.
(cuts to Sandy's treedome, where Sandy is sitting in a rocking chair, reading a book; giggles are heard, and Sandy goes to the window of her tree to see, yet there is nothing there)
Sandy: Well, that's funny. I thought I heard voices. Huh? I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. (points to a glass) And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? (an old, smelly lamp sits on the table) And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?! (walks into a room full of pictures of Patrick)
Spongebob and Patrick: (covered with sheets) Oooooohhh! We're ghosts! Oooooohhh!
Sandy: (laughs) I knew it was you guys! (walks over) All right, joke's over. Take off the sheets. (pulls off both sheets to reveal nothing under them; gasps) It is ghosts! AHHHHH!!!!! (presses a button that brings up an acorn-shaped escape rocket; gets in and blasts out of the water and into Texas)
Spongebob: (laughs) Boy, we really scared her! (he and Patrick exit the treedome and continue laughing)
Patrick: Who's gonna be our next victim?
Spongebob: A better question would be.... who isn't?
(cuts to Mrs. Puff's house)
Mrs. Puff: Double Dark Deep-Sea Light Diet Cake! (laughs in delight) You will soon be mine. (the cake suddenly starts to get eaten, and is gone shortly; Patrick's mouth appears, covered in chocolate, which he wipes off) Oh! (fills with air and slowly lets it out while flying around the room) GHOOOOOOOOOSTS!!!!!
(cuts to Squidward, who is painting a picture at home)
Squidward: (hums; suddenly his paintbrush floats in the air) Huh? (the paintbrush paints a mustache under Squidward's nose)
Spongebob and Patrick: Oooooooohhhh!!!!
Squidward: (runs through wall) GHOSTS!!!
(cuts to a man surfing; another wave holding just a surfboard shows up next to him)
Spongebob and Patrick: Cowabunga!!!
Surfer: Ghosts! (flies off board) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(cuts to a montage)
Purple Woman Fish: Ghosts!
Old Fish: Ghosts!!!
Olive Green Fish: Ghosts!
Freckled Green Fish: (holds up a piece of toast) Toast.
Purple-Spotted Blue Fish: (sitting on a toilet, sweating) Ghooosts!
(cuts to Spongebob reading a newspaper)
Spongebob: (laughs) It's official! We're the greatest pranksters ever. The whole town thinks we're ghosts.
Patrick: (holding the paper upside down) Yeah.
Spongebob: There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom. (a news article in the paper Spongebob has reads, "Krabs Last To Be Haunted! Says, 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts'") Mr. Krabs....
Patrick: (reading the same article upside down) It says he isn't scared of ghosts.
Spongebob: We'll see about that!
(cuts to the Krusty Krab at night)
Mr. Krabs: (peeks out of blinds) Ghosts? Ha! I ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief. (grabs the neckerchief) And his dried up Sea Leprechaun. (holds up a bottle containing a pile of ashes with a leprechaun hat on top and a wooden stick on the side). And a bit of gold never hurt. (a gold necklace with the word "Foxy" hangs around Mr. Krabs' neck) But to be on the safe side, I'm also wearing me pants in a Maldon knot. (a rope is attached to his underwear, pulling them up and out of his pants) Got me shivering timber brace. (his legs are held together with a metal bar and two wooden hoops) And, the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. (a small patch of hair on Mr. Krabs' neck is covered with a piece of tape; we next see him wearing a wooden barrel around his body and a metal hoop with a lantern on each side around his head) And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon, the Specter Deflector! (holds up a paddle with a ball attached) So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on. (all lights go out)
Spongebob and Patrick: Ooooooooooohhhh!!!! Kraaaaaaaaaabs!
Mr. Krabs: Wha...?
Spongebob: (tables and barrels start to either float or fall over) Krabs, we've come to haunt you!
Mr. Krabs: (starts to hit the ball) Stay back! I'm well armed. (a barrel floats past him)
Spongebob and Patrick: Ooooooooooohhhh!!!
Mr. Krabs: (continues hitting the ball) Uh.... I'm warning you!
Spongebob and Patrick: Oooooooooooohhhh!!!!! (a pair of scissors comes up and cuts the string connecting the ball to Mr. Krabs' paddle)
Mr. Krabs: Oooooh....
Spongebob and Patrick: Boo.
Mr. Krabs: WAAAAAAHHH!!!! (breaks through the barrel and everything else he is wearing and runs for his life) I gotta get out of here!!! (runs into the door)
Spongebob: You can't escape, Krabs. We've glued the door shut. (the middle of the two doors is stuck together with glue, and a bottle of glue sits in front of them)
Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me! (runs into the window and gets propelled backwards into a table, breaking it)
Patrick: Nice try, Krabs, but we replaced all the glass with rubber. (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: (runs and dives into a toilet, but doesn't fit in)
Spongebob: Too late, Krabs. We've already clogged all the toilets. (full rolls of toilet paper are stuffed in the toilet Mr. Krabs jumped into)
Mr. Krabs: (runs away) Please, spirits, leave me be! (continues begging)
Patrick: (laughs) We got him good, Spongebob.
Spongebob: Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea. (Mr. Krabs sits, crying, in the corner) You're going to pay, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: No, spirits, please! (a dollar floats up)
Spongebob: (in a high voice) Paaaaaaaaayyy!!! Paaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!! (a match lights up next to the dollar and starts moving close to it)
Mr. Krabs: No!!! Don't burn me dollar! (picks up a bucket of water and tosses it toward the floating dollar; Spongebob and Patrick slowly start to appear, laughing and holding the dollar) Well well well, if it isn't Spongebob and Patrick!
Spongebob: (not catching on) I know not these names which you speak!
Patrick: Uh, Spongebob? (Spongebob continues making strange noises) Spongebob, we're visible again. (looks down at himself)
Mr. Krabs: (picks them both up) So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.
Spongebob: We're really sorry, Mr. Krabs. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat them!
Mr. Krabs: (nudges Spongebob) Hey, come on boys, I'm hip! I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me! (laugh; Spongebob and Patrick soon laugh too) Uh, any particular reason you boys are naked?
Spongebob: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) 'Course it does! Well, you two better hurry home, before someone sees you nude.
Spongebob: Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened.
Patrick: Me too.
Mr. Krabs: Woo, now we wouldn't want that, would we? (walks towards the door to the main room) It's getting late now. You two pranksters better get going.
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, thanks for being such a good sport.
Mr. Krabs: Don't mention it.
Spongebob: (walks out the door to the front) That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me. What a guy.
Patrick: Yeah. (a bright spotlight shines on them both, causing them to shield their eyes; a large crowd is revealed to be watching them)
Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab presents.... live nude pranksters! Starring the Bikini Bottom ghosts.
(the crowd cheers, whistles, and screams; Spongebob and Patrick cover themselves with their hands; Mr. Krabs cracks up; Sandy whistles and Mrs. Puff snaps a picture; Squidward stands up laughing)
Spongebob: (in a whiny voice) We should have bought the whoopie cushion!