(scene opens up outside of Spongebob's house)
Spongebob: (takes a drink out of a coffee cup while reading the newspaper) Ah, I don't know how you do it, Gare Bear, but that's the best cup of French toast I've ever had!
Gary: (sits at the counter with a bowl and an eggbeater in front of him and a chef hat on his shell) Meow.
Spongebob: Well, time to punch that clock. (puts his hat on and walks into the living room) But not before checking my motivational Quote-a-Day calendar. (looks at a table calendar with the date June 21 on it) You are a winner. (hugs himself; hearts float around in the air; looks back at the calendar and gasps) And today's the first day of summer! (cuts to the Krusty Krab, where Squidward is at the register, looking bored; Spongebob bursts in the door with a pink flower costume on and a basket full of flower buds; he tosses them in the air) Happy first day of summer, Squidward! (walks over to Squidward) Care to join me for solstice caroling? (singing in a high-pitched voice) Walking in the grass, it's so fine, don't need shoes in the summertime! (throws flower buds on Squidward)
Squidward: (doesn't budge) I'm not much of a summer person, Spongebob.
Mr. Krabs: (runs into the room excitedly) Davy Jones on the jib! Do my ears deceive me? Is it really the first day of summer? Is it?
Spongebob: (chuckles) Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: (flips in the air) Wee-hoo!!! (runs to the window)
Spongebob: (walks up to him) Gee Mr. K., you sure have a scorching case of summer fever! (turns around, wide-eyed) What is it about summertime that makes us so happy? The firefly-lit nights, the intoxicating aroma of a charcoal briquette, the hypnotic sound of a lawnmower running over a flip-flop? (sound effects accompany what Spongebob says)
Mr. Krabs: The money?
Spongebob: (questioningly) The... money?
Mr. Krabs: Er, uh, I mean, uh... the children!
Mr. Krabs: You see, boy, during the summer, the children are excused from their classes, a recess commonly referred to as summer break. (walks up to a barrel and sits down on it; Spongebob hops into his lap)
Spongebob: Tell me more about summer break.
(a fantasy appears; a school bell rings and all the kids run out of school)
Mr. Krabs: Well, during this summer break, the children wander Bikini Bottom unsupervised, their pockets lined with allowance. (a child wearing red shorts runs by with a full pocket, and the contents are shown to be change) Free to spend their money without any parental guidance whatsoever. (pulls down a menu) I guess that's what I like best. (slaps a sticker labeled "4.99" next to Kiddie Meal, over what originally was 1.99) Sure, I suppose some would try and take advantage of this situation by selling them toys or candy, but I sleep well at night with the knowledge that I'm providing them with something they need: a nutritious meal. (goes back to the front window) Come here, you little piggies!
Spongebob: I've been taught the true meaning of summer.
(Mr. Krabs still stands at the window, smiling and waiting for the children)
Spongebob: (walks up) Almost closing time, Mr. K.
Mr. Krabs: What?! But that's impossible! (starts to cry) What about the money? I mean uh... uh... what about the children? (Spongebob shrugs; Mr. Krabs sighs) I guess summer isn't coming this year.
Spongebob: Hey, maybe they're all at that new playground over there. (points at a playground filled with children playing)
Mr. Krabs: Playground?! Luring away me own customers. Warm up the boat, Spongebob!
(cuts to the road in front of the playground; a boat pulls up, and Spongebob and Mr. Krabs' heads peek out; Mr. Krabs looks through a pair of binoculars)
Spongebob: See anything, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, they're here, all right. Just look at them, Spongebob. (two kids swing on a swing set) So weak and malnourished. (a very overweight kid bites down on a lollipop) With nobody trying to sell 'em nothing. (a boy slides down the slide) Breaks me heart. (starts crying) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I've got nothing to live for, Spongebob!
Spongebob: The way you drove the boat while lying on the ground was kind of cool.
Mr. Krabs: True. But that's not gonna get these munchkins away from this playground. Unless... hmm... See you tomorrow, boy. Got a lot of work to do. (drives off and leaves Spongebob outside)
Spongebob: You got it, Mr. Krabs... hey! (cuts to Spongebob walking to the Krusty Krab) Another day, another dollar. Gee, I wonder what Mr. Krabs has been up to since I saw him last and then went home to do nothing of particular interest 'til this very moment. (jumps and stares at something off-screen) Huh?! (a sign that says "Krabby Land" stands in front of the Krusty Krab, and a gigantic line of kids wait to get in; there is a large sheet covering something shaped like a castle behind the Krusty Krab; Mr. Krabs works on it under the sheet with a hammer; Spongebob walks up to him)
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob! (sticks the hammer in his tool belt) You're just in time for the grand unveiling of... Krabby Land!
Spongebob: Krabby Land, sir?
Mr. Krabs: Yes, Krabby Land! (holds up a Krabby Land sign) Where a kid can have fun... for the right price. (laughs) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, young man. What's your name?
Mr. Krabs: Nice to meet you, Monroe. (lifts him up and chuckles)
Mr. Krabs: (shakes Monroe; change jingles) Mmm... aha! (dollar signs replace his pupils) Okay, money! I mean, er... children. It's time for the grand unveiling of... money! I mean, Krabby Land! (all the kids cheer) Okay, kids, now promise Uncle Krabs that if you get hungry while you're playing, you'll come inside for some delicious, nutritious Krabby Patties.
Kids: We promise.
Mr. Krabs: All right, here we go! I give you... Krabby Land! (pulls off curtain)
Kids: Yeah!!! (their smiles turn into frowns; a pile of junk sits on the ground; two trash cans and wooden plank create "Fort Adventure"; a couple of hanging, dripping hoses make "Hose World"; two toasters on springs wobble next to a sign that says "Toaster Rodeo"; a large metal barrel is held up by a couple pieces of wood and called "Rocketship Fantasia"; the barrel snaps off and lands on the ground, knocking over the sign; a kid climbs up a slide and starts to slide down, when it collapses)
Slide Kid: Whoa!!! (lands) Ooh! Where am I?
Mr. Krabs: Eh... that reminds me. I forgot to give you these coloring books / liability wavers! (holds up eight packets of paper) Everyone who hands theirs back gets to meet the one and only Krabby the Clown!
Mr. Krabs: Have fun, and don't forget to eat plenty of vitamin-enriched Krabby Patties. (holds up a Krabby Patty on a plate) Krabby the Clown's favorite meal.
Kids: We want Krabby! We want Krabby!
Spongebob: Where is Krabby, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: He'll be here after I count their money. Just stall 'em.
Spongebob: Stall 'em? How do I do that?
Mr. Krabs: I don't know. Be entertaining. (leaves)
Spongebob: (turns around and looks at the kids; laughs) Hey, kids! (waves; the children angrily stare at him)
Monroe: You're not Krabby the Clown.
Spongebob: No, I'm not. I'm, uh... (puts on a mask) I'm Krabby's beloved sidekick, the Krabby Patty... Burglar.
Slide Kid: Lame.
Spongebob: Krabby will be here soon. He, uh, had to take the bus. But in the meantime, let's have some fun! You kids like bubbles? (picks up a bubble-blowing wand)
Spongebob: Well, you've never seen my bubbles. (blows a bubble-jellyfish) Voila! A bubble shaped like a jellyfish. How 'bout that?
Slide Kid: (crosses arms) Still lame. (bubble pops)
Spongebob: (dips wand back in soap) Okay, prepare to be blown back on your tailfins. (blows a giant bubble-unicorn) Ta-da!
Slide Kid: (pops the bubble)
Spongebob: Uh... huh.
Kids: You stink, bring on the clown!
Spongebob: Okay, uh, and now, for a finale! (starts blowing a bubble)
Kids: Boo!!! Boo!!! Boo!!!! Boo!!! (the boos continue)
Spongebob: (struggles to blow a bubble; it pops, and the soap lands in his eyes; they swell up and turn red) Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! My eyes! Ahhhhhhhhh!!! (trips over the barrel from "Rocketship Fantasia") Whooooaaa!!! (smashes into a dumpster labeled "Pit of Doom"; swings over a tire swing called "Kelp Ring Swing-O"; lands in a pit of bowling balls; the tire lands on him; kids laugh hysterically; Spongebob pops out from under the tire, thinking) They seem to respond to me being in pain. They enjoy other people's misery. (speaking) Hey kids, check this out. (dips the wand in the bubble soap; takes it out, throws it, and pours all the soap into his eyes) AHHHHHHHHH!!!
Kids: Woo hoo!!!!!
Spongebob: I got 'em right where I want 'em.
(cuts to a montage; Spongebob takes a piece of tape, puts it on his face, and rips it off, removing pieces of his face)
Kids: Woo hoo!!! Yeah!
Spongebob: (lies on the ground with his tongue sticking out as a truck repeatedly runs it over) AHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!!
Kids: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! (Spongebob walks up to a muscular guy and hands him some money; the muscular guy hits him over the head with a large hammer; Spongebob, whose head is dented in, gives the thumbs up) Yeah!!! Woo! (muscular guy drives up in a boat with a wrecking ball attached and smashes Spongebob with it; Spongebob groans in pain) Aha ha ha ha ha ha!
Spongebob: (in a puddle on the ground, gives the thumbs up; later, Spongebob is tied up on two sticks; the muscular guy walks up with a can of lima beans) AHHHHHHHHH!!!! (muscular guy shoves a spoonful of lima beans in Spongebob's mouth; kids cheer some more; muscular guy talks to another muscular guy on the phone)
Kids: Ha ha ha ha!!!
Spongebob: (being used as a ball in the two muscular guys' ping pong game) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Yow! Doh! Doh! Yow!
Kids: Yay!!! (Spongebob's arms get stretched by both muscular guys as the kids watch with evil grins on their face; off-camera, Spongebob gets ripped in half) Yeah!!!!
(Spongebob is in two pieces; gives two thumbs up; cuts to Mr. Krabs in his office, counting the money he received; the door bursts open and Spongebob, all beat up without any limbs, enters)
Spongebob: Ugh, Mr. Krabs? I can't take any more of this stalling stuff.
Mr. Krabs: Always thinking about yourself. Get out there and stall! What happened to your arms and legs, boy?
Spongebob: The kids are using them as... boomerangs. (one of Spongebob's arms flies in and back out again)
Mr. Krabs: Boomerangs? Oh no! They might break my windows!
Spongebob: What are we gonna do?
Mr. Krabs: Well, now that all their money's counted, tell them Krabby has just arrived!
Spongebob: (hops up on the table) Really? He's here? (starts to bounce up and down) Oh, boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!
Mr. Krabs: Get out there and tell 'em!
Spongebob: (walks outside, arms and legs back intact) Listen everybody. Krabby the Clown is in the building!
Spongebob: Who do you want?!
Spongebob: When do you want him?!
Kids: Now!!! Krabby! Krabby! Krabby! (all run in, lifting up Spongebob on the way, and stop in front of Mr. Krabs) Krabby! Hooray!
Mr. Krabs: Hey kids! Are you ready to meet Krabby the Clown?
Kids and Spongebob: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: All right, here you go! (turns around, puts on a round blue nose and tie, and turns back around again; in a higher voice) Hey kids! Uh, thank you all for coming! Thank you. Eat plenty of Krabby Patties! (laughs and walks back into his office; the kids and Spongebob stand in shock; cuts to Mr. Krabs in his office; hums while taking off the tie) Ah, Krabs, you've done it again!
Spongebob: I'll say you have.
Mr. Krabs: (turns around) Spongebob?
Spongebob: (frowning and starting to cry) How could you, Mr. Krabs? You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was... Cheapy the Cheapskate!
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! (takes off his fake nose and rubs the blue paint off of it, revealing it to be a tomato) Now take this tomato back to the kitchen before it spoils.
Spongebob: But what about the true meaning of summer? What about the children?
Mr. Krabs: (walks to the window) The children? I don't care about the children. (starts to climb out the window) I just care about their parents' money. Ah, the fact that their feeble minds are easily manipulated by cheap playgrounds and talentless clowns is no skin off my nose. (climbs completely out) Survival of the fittest, Spongebob! Survival of the fittest. (laughs)
Small Voice: Ahem.
Mr. Krabs: Huh? (the children stand behind him, looking angrily at him) Oh, hey kids. (smiles) Uh, Uncle Krabs has to go to the bank now. Heh.
Monroe: Get him! (all the kids run after him)
Spongebob: (inside, while the sound of Mr. Krabs getting beat up is heard) Aw, I suppose I'll never know the true meaning of summer. I thought I knew it once, but that was a long, long time ago.
Squidward: You mean this morning?
Spongebob: Yeah. (a slamming noise is heard, and both look out the door)
Monroe: Come on outside, Mr. Squarepants. It's a summer miracle!
Kids: (money falls from the sky) Yay! Hooray!
Spongebob: Wow, thousands of dollars fluttering in the breeze. I guess that's the true meaning of summer.
Kids: Hooray! (a kid in jeans stands on top of the Krusty Krab, tossing money everywhere)
Spongebob: Where's Mr. Krabs? He's missing out on all the summer fun.
Mr. Krabs: (hangs in the same place Spongebob was) Let me go! I gotta get some of that green stuff! (the muscular guy puts a spoonful of lima beans in front of him) No! Not that green stuff! (a lima bean truck drives up) Noooooooooooooo!!!!